Part 3: Women in Leadership: Putting Yourself First and Prioritizing Self Care in a Demanding Job
This is for anyone who KNOWS that they can make an impact without self-sacrifice.
This is a message I needed to hear when I was in a leadership role: burning out, mental health declining, giving my all to serving my team while trying to get everything done. The work must get done, but everyone else’s stress levels and mental health took priority. And mine.. mine was the last on the list. I’m strong, after all. I’m a leader, therefore I must suck it up and bear it and be strong for everyone else. Right?
This is for you - driven, compassionate, self-reliant dreamer with a big heart and an even bigger vision. I see you, I am you. Here’s my open letter to you.
Leading from a strong inner foundation
In part 2, we discussed taking care of your needs before giving your all to your job, your team, and your mission.
How do we take care of our needs before anything else? How do we know which needs to take care of with limited time and resources? Self care always seems great in theory, but tricky in practice.
Who wouldn’t want all the time in the world for a luxurious 3-hour morning routine, a slow day, sitting down for healthy meals, winding down before bed with a candlelit bath, and sleeping for at least 8 hours a night?
But the bar for “proper self care” is set so high that it’s easier to just “go about my life the way I always have:” wake up, remember my to-do list, plan out my day as I get ready for it, rehearse difficult conversations with coworkers during my shower and my quick breakfast on the go, and spend the whole day being “useful” to my company: putting out fires, taking care of other people’s needs, juggling too many tasks at once, and feeling needed because I’m doing so much.
After all, what we see online is the glamorous “ideal” - 2-hour beauty routines, expensive skin products, elaborate home-cooked meals, rigorous gym commitments, fancy health gadgets, strict bedtime habit checklists.
Leadership is discernment.
Leadership is filtering the information we take in and throwing away what’s not in alignment with our goals.
And, leadership is putting the self first, because we cannot pour from an empty cup.
Where does this leave us?
>> Learning to identify our own unique needs and fulfill them in reasonable and realistic ways.
>> Prioritizing our wellbeing and energy as a prerequisite for any goal.
>> Being creative within real life constraints to find the best means of meeting our most pressing needs - and knowing which needs are the biggest contributors to our physical, mental, and emotional health.
This is true self care.
Leadership is not stopping at excuses, limits, or challenges - it’s learning to navigate within them, all the while holding the vision that, with time, you’ll rise above the limits and challenges.
Your Unique Self Care Recipe
So in the simplest sense, self care = meeting your needs. For busy leaders who are stretched thin and feeling the pressure of their demanding job, self care is also figuring out how to meet your needs within your current constraints (time, resources, energy, etc.)
Innovative paths forward are not just for startups.
As individuals, one of our highest expressions of self-leadership is finding creative paths forward in any life circumstance.
That includes figuring out our own, unique recipe for self-care within the constraints of real life.
>> For a busy professional, it might be finding the minimum healthy routines to bookend your day: what habits have the biggest effect on your health while taking the least time.
>> For a creative entrepreneur, it might be waking up earlier to start the day with a replenishing and inspiring activity (like plugging the phone into the wall to charge up before the day’s work - but for your wellbeing.)
>> For someone with multiple jobs, hide hustles, and big dreams, it might be scheduling in 1 day a week when they just recharge, refuel, nourish, and sleep.
It helps to find activities that fulfill multiple needs: physical exercise and a mental break, or getting fresh air while regulating emotions, or practicing mindfulness and gratitude while doing something you enjoy.
It also helps to prioritize the replenishing activities based on your most pressing needs. I divide those into 4 categories: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
1. Physical energy is the basis of everything. Proper sleep, nourishment, and movement should come first. When you find yourself stretched thin, focus on these basics.
With physical energy and replenishment, especially in times of stress, more is better: more time outside, more protein, more minerals, more hydration, more sleep, more rest.
2. Next, take care of your emotions: feel what’s there, allow without judgment, process without analyzing, and then refill with positive ones.
To refill: do what you love, treat yourself to something nice (a latte, flowers, a bath), spend time with a trusted friend, play a game, explore, go on an adventure (to a different country, or to the local bookstore - nothing’s too big or too small).
A stable daily emotional baseline is a result of practicing “emotional hygiene:” processing and releasing old emotions and stress, and consistently refilling with positive new emotional states. Stuck, unprocessed emotions and stress sabotage our best efforts, no matter how hard we work or how well we communicate.
3. Then come your mental health needs. Our brains overclock on the regular. Proper mental breaks (not on a screen, not multitasking), of any length, allow the brain to catch up with the day. The brain needs space, emptiness, and slowness (as well as nutrients, oxygen, and sleep).
Many activities that restore physical energy help with mental energy, as well. But with mental energy, less is more: less distraction, less screen time, fewer tasks, fewer commitments.
4. Our life doesn’t feel complete without spiritual wellbeing. Feeling like you’re on the right track, heading in the right direction, fulfilled, working towards something meaningful.
These are bigger needs, and although less pressing than the other ones, no less important. Taking care of these needs may require a reevaluation and a redirection from time to time.
Leading from the foundation begins with these needs. Tuning in to our own bodies, learning to identify current needs, fulfilling them in a timely manner, and as a result - increasing our energetic capacity. Outer growth begins with this inner growth.
And only then can we focus our efforts on helping others, or on creative and innovative pursuits.
Focusing first and foremost on self care is always in alignment with our goals. This is a state of mind. It allows us to increase our effectiveness and impact without a detriment to our wellbeing.
Societal expectations and norms may tell us otherwise, encouraging us to give, share, and take care of others before ourselves. But this is a zero-sum game, not a game of growth.
And as humans, infinitely creative beings, it’s our responsibility to our community and our future to serve growth, improvement, and abundance - which always begins with honoring ourselves.
You are the CEO of your life
Taking care of your foundation (your energy, wellbeing, mental and emotional health, safety, financial stability) is a prerequisite for stepping into leadership.
Without a solid foundation we cannot effectively guide or help others, turn raw material and ideas into tangible products, or create thorough systems. Our body is smarter than our brain: it will always direct resources to survival over anything else.
If the body’s needs aren’t being met, your subconscious mind will look for ways to sabotage any of your efforts until you pay attention to those unmet needs.
And besides, an under-resourced body, brain, or soul is never as creative and capable as a well-resourced one.
Honoring yourself serves the world. It multiplies your impact. Makes you more available to more people. Allows you to listen and give without subconscious worries about your own stability.
A CEO asks: “what does this organization need? What would help my team? What’s the next best step for my company?”
A self-leader asks the same - of themselves. “What do I need? What would help me achieve this goal? What’s the next best thing I can do for myself?”
Practice asking yourself CEO-level questions, every day. Practice taking responsibility for the answers the way an executive would. Practice increasing your own resources, treating yourself like the most important startup in the world.
The more challenging our situation, the harder this becomes. But the demands of a challenging time are simply an opportunity to keep growing and persevering. It never helps to abandon yourself.
Leadership starts with you.
Hi, I’m Kat!
I help women in leadership overcome stress & burnout, balancing their mission and their wellbeing
If career longevity is your priority, if your leadership role is helping you impact people the way you’ve always wanted - let’s work together to ensure that you’re filling your cup first, replenishing your energy, and giving from overflow.
I support women in demanding roles through custom one-on-one coaching for your specific needs and goals.
FIND OUT MORE here
Browse these other free resources while you’re here:
➛ If you’re not sure who you can be outside of your current job/career:
Article & thought exercise: “What You ‘DO’ vs Who You ‘ARE’”
(And why basing your identity on your job title is harmful in the long run!)
➛ If you’re ready to redirect your life & career but aren’t sure where to begin:
Free Masterclass: Radical Redirection: How to follow your heart with practical steps!
A pre-recorded 90 minute workshop on the 7 ingredients of redirection and how to apply them to your life.
➛ If you’re feeling stuck, frustrated, busy but not getting where you want to go in life:
Free Guide: How to Get Unstuck from Just About Anything
A step-by-step guide to diagnose WHY you’re stuck and give you fresh ideas to find your way!
