3 Things that Actually Reverse Emotional Downward Spirals
This post is a companion to Episode 12 of the Radical Redirection Podcast: “How I Deal With Emotional Downward Spirals & Source Happiness From Within.” If you want to go deeper, listen to the full episode below or wherever you get your podcasts.
How I Stopped My Emotional Downward Spirals (And What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Sooner)
If you know me now, you might see a pretty happy person. Which is true! But I wasn't always this way.
For a long time, I was deeply unhappy. Not the kind of unhappy that's obvious from the outside. Life was fine. Actually, life was really good. But inside? I felt dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and stuck in a loop of thoughts I couldn't get out of. The kind of unhappy that makes you ask yourself, why can't I just be grateful for what I have?
This is the story of how I figured it out — and the three things that helped me stop and reverse my near-constant emotional downward spirals.
I still come back to them today. They work every time.
Where Did My Happiness Go?
In the fall of 2022, my husband Matt and I moved to Charlotte, North Carolina. It wasn't our dream, but it was always the plan. We'd been in California, working, building our life together, and always knew we'd eventually head back East — to be closer to family, live somewhere more affordable, buy a house, have kids, all of that. Charlotte, since my husband grew up there, seemed like a reasonable choice.
What I didn't expect was how unhappy I'd become.
Week by week, it crept in. I missed California in a way I hadn't anticipated — turns out I loved it far more than I realized. We didn't know anyone in Charlotte. We were working from home, just the two of us, fairly isolated. I couldn't find things I liked doing there. And underneath all of that, my business wasn't growing, and Matt and I were struggling to conceive. It was a lot.
And so my mind did what minds do when they're overwhelmed: it went dark. Every day, on loop — I'm pathetic. Nothing is working. I don't see success in my future. How did I become such a useless lump?
Even on good days. Even after a fun night out. The very next morning, my mind snapped right back to the negative. Matt tried everything to pull me out of it — theater dates, hikes, day trips. Nothing really worked to get me happier for longer than a day. My internal negative stream of consciousness made my life miserable.
I look back on that version of me with so much love and compassion now. She had a lot to figure out. And she did.
The Real Problem (Which Took Me Way Too Long to See)
Here's what was actually going on: I was sourcing all of my happiness from things outside of myself.
At Pixar, when I was succeeding at my job, getting regular paychecks, feeling proud of my work, happiness came easily. It was built right into my work. Pay? Yay. Praise? I’m doing a good job. Super busy, stressful, exhausting day? Hey, I did a lot today, and people needed me, and I’m crushing it. The mental reward system was flawless.
But once I left my job and started my business — and it wasn't going well yet — that source of happiness disappeared. And I had nothing to replace it with.
Vacations helped. Fun experiences helped. But only for a moment. The very next day, my mind was right back in the spiral.
When your happiness is dependent on things outside of yourself, you have no agency over your own emotional state. How you feel as you move through life is constantly outside of your control. And that is not a great way to live.
I needed to learn how to be my own source of happiness. How to make my joy unconditional.
That was the lesson. It took a mentor that I trusted and worked with, months of practice, and a lot of inner work to start shifting it. But here's what helped me most.
First: Do NOT Listen to Your Mind
Before I get to the three things — there's something more important I need you to hear.
When you are emotionally low, do not listen to your thoughts.
I mean it. Whatever your mind is telling you in those low moments? It's not accurate. It's not the truth.
Here's why: when we're feeling upset or sad or lost, the mind tries to find comfort. And for most of us, the comfortable pathways lead straight back to old wounds — the ones from childhood, from formative years, from the places we were hurt. So the brain serves up thoughts that sound new but feel ancient. Not enough. Not loved. Doing it wrong. You might think you've healed from this stuff. And you have, mostly. But the mind still knows how to find its way back there when your guard is down.
Your thoughts are not you. They're not reality. They're your brain doing its best in a low moment — and getting it wrong.
So don't listen. Instead, do this.
3 Things That Actually Help with negative thought loops & downward spirals
1. Stack up the good.
When you're in a spiral, your brain has gotten very good at finding the next bad thing, and the next one, and the next. One negative thought pulls in another. The stack grows taller.
So build a different stack.
Deliberately look for what's good — not to lie to yourself, not to pretend the hard things aren't there, but to shift your attention to what's also true. I had a delicious breakfast. The sky is gorgeous today. I went for a nice walk. My partner loves me. I made someone laugh. These can be tiny. They just need to be real.
Challenge your brain to loop through these instead. The negative thoughts will still be there — you're not erasing them. You're just training your mind to notice what it's been ignoring: the evidence that your life contains good things, right now, today.
2. Practice real gratitude — emphasis on real.
Forced gratitude is worse than no gratitude. If you're sitting there thinking I'm so thankful for everything I have while your eyes are rolling back in your head, stop. That's doing more harm than good.
What actually works is genuine gratitude — the kind that produces a real feeling in your body.
For me, the easiest entry point is gratitude for myself. Not for my circumstances, but for what I'm doing. I'm grateful for how hard I've been working. I'm grateful that I fed myself something nourishing today. I'm grateful that this body went on that hike. Simple things. Honest things. Things I can actually feel.
Start there. Let the feeling be real, even if it's small. Genuine gratitude is one of the most powerful antidotes to resentment, anxiety, and frustration — because it shifts what your eyes are seeing. Your life is already good in some ways, even when it could be better. This practice helps you actually see that.
3. Forget the problem and focus on your energy.
This one is my favorite. Once I figured this out, it felt like a cheat code.
Whatever you think the problem is — set it aside. Whatever thought loop you're caught in, whatever feeling you're trying to fix, whatever you believe is at the root of everything wrong right now — put it down for a moment. And instead, ask: What does my energy need right now?
Here's why this works: emotional spirals happen when we are low energy. Every single time. Think about your last really sad day — were you also tired? Depleted? Coming off a hard conversation or a draining week? I'd bet on it.
If low energy is the root cause, that's all you have to address. There's no problem to solve. There's no feeling to fix. You just need to bring your energy back up.
Feed yourself. Sleep. Rest. Move your body. Do something that replenishes you emotionally. Take care of your actual needs. When you're back at your energetic baseline, the things that felt catastrophic in that low moment simply stop feeling that way. They shrink. They become manageable. Or they disappear entirely.
Before I understood this, I would spiral and desperately search for the answer — what's wrong with me, how do I fix this, how do I feel better? Meanwhile, the answer was: get your energy back, love. Take care of yourself.
What Happened After Two Months of This Practice
About two months after I started working with these three things — consistently, imperfectly, but genuinely — I was on one of my usual walks through Charlotte.
And I stopped.
Wow. This city is beautiful. The air is clean. The flowers are blooming. I love my life. I feel so energized.
Nothing had changed. Same apartment, same business I was trying to build, same life. But it felt completely different. The movie had shifted from a tearjerking drama to something I actually wanted to watch.
I did that. Not through a big external change, not through luck or a breakthrough or a therapist intervention. Just through consistent inner work. Shifting my focus. Working with my mind and my energy.
Sometimes we change our circumstances to feel better — new job, new city, new chapter. And sometimes we have to change on the inside so that the life we already have starts feeling so, so much better.
The trick — the real trick — is learning to source your happiness from within.
So if you're in a spiral right now, or even just having an off day: don't believe everything your mind is telling you. Stack up the good. Find something real to be grateful for. And put the "problem" aside long enough to ask what your energy actually needs.
It works. Every time.
Love, Kat
If you're stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and can't seem to find your way out — or if you've spent years sourcing your happiness from things outside yourself and are ready to change that — this is exactly the work I do with my clients one-on-one. Reach out and let's talk.
➛ If you’re ready to create an exciting and beautiful vision for your future:
Free Workshop: Vision & Life Direction
I’ll guide you through a series of exercises and visualizations to get super clear on what you want in life, plus how to deal with common blocks that get in the way. Come ready to dream!
➛ If you want a deeper dive into the steps of HOW to redirect once you’ve made the decision:
Free Masterclass: Radical Redirection: How to follow your heart with practical steps!
A pre-recorded 90 minute workshop on the 7 ingredients of redirection and how to apply them to your life.
➛ If you’re not sure who you can be outside of your current job/career:
Article & thought exercise: “What You ‘DO’ vs Who You ‘ARE’”
(And why basing your identity on your job title is harmful in the long run!)
➛ If you’re READY for full one-on-one support with your redirection:
Apply for 1:1 coaching with me!
I’ll guide you through ALL of it: creating a vision, designing a strategy to get there, finding your key strengths and talents, discovering your life’s mission, and overcoming challenges along the way.
Also - have you downloaded my FREE guide to getting UNSTUCK?
